THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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