This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize