new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
