Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
