God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
