No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
