Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
