Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
