I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
