once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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