we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
