He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
