Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
