The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
