I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize