Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
