My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize