Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
