and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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