I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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