When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your penis caused this!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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