yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love having hate sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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