So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
