Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
