We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
