GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
