If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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