What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
People in love make me want to vomit
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
