You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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