all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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