I'm jealous of your bromance
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Houston, we have a blender
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
