how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize