4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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