I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
