I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
