I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
