Where is the hickey?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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