Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
