The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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