Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
