Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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