nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
