I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
