Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
