so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
