He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
