so that wasnt chicken after all
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
