sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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