escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
