The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
