Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
