We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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