I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
