i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
