Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
