Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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