I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
