go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
