Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
