a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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