we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
