he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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