Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
