ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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