Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
