Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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