i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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