Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
