that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize