All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
