and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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