How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Randomize
