remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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