So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
