I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
