i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
