im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
