the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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