I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
