Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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