O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
