just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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